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Life as a Survivor

Lord, I have neuropathy and vertigo
I always have tingling in my fingers and toes.
Why does it tingle when I can't feel at all?
Why do I lose my balance and sometimes fall?
I wake up light-headed and drift if I stand too quickly.
I don't like feeling this way, especially not daily.
My nerves are frayed all the time from the constant pain-
Cancer is gone but its effects still remain.
Six months of Chemotherapy gave me an enlarged heart.
Radiation burnt my chest from the very start.
My muscles contract, oh so tightly, in my chest.
It's the same spot where the surgeon removed my right breast.
Everyday, I play itsy-bitsy spider over my bed,
and I still can't lift my right hand up over my head.
It's hard to stay positive under these conditions;
but positive I am because cancer is in remission
It's all I need to know and I'm optimistic as can be-
Life as a survivor sure aint easy.

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I am a Survivor

My name is Pamela, I am a breast cancer survivor.
Cancer is not the inheritance I want to leave my two daughters.
I have given them morals, I have given them values,
I've given them a sense of decency;
I'm instilled in them strong spiritual values.
I want them to inherit money, stocks and bonds, and jewelry.
I want them to inherit houses and land; lucrative property.
I want to leave wonderful memories,
not breast cancer, it will create misery.
I don't want to leave them this dreaded disease;
I don't want that to be their legacy.
I don't want to leave them pain and suffering
I couldn't face myself the next morning.
What I want to leave them to pass on their kids
is a healthy and a wealthy legacy.

In 2003, I was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. I was so enraged and I felt so violated that my instinctual response was to fight for survival. I fought back the only way I knew; I turned to God for strength and I started a poetic journal where I could make my feelings known to this beast I called DeMon. I had a Farewell Pity Party the eve of my modified mastectomy, I started a Cancer Hall of Shame Blogsite and I evicted Breast cancer in effigy. I now have an Order of Protection against Cancer and an Affirmation of my Trust in God which I renew semi- annually. As of January 2005, I am cancer free. I continue my regimen to stave off cancer; I am a motivational speaker and I give online support in the cancer chatrooms. I continue to write about my life as a survivor. Smiling Thru the Tears- a Breast Cancer Survivor Odyssey is now available online and in books stores near you. Faith, hope, determination and a sense of humor are now my constant companions. Smiling Thru the Tears is a must have book that will inspire you and help you reactive your faith and your fighting spirit.

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